I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
