I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
