i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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