I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
