Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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