great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
