i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
