im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
