sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
