How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
