hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
