Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize