I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
