i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
