rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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