I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
