Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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