thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
