I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
