He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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