she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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