well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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