Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
