Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
