Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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