Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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