Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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