I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
