I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
