if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
