Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
