You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
