You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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