Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
