Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just cropdusted the office
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
