i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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