I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
