I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
