And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
