I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
