I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
