i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
