Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
