I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
