her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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