I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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