we're blogging at a bar
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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