I wish I could punch you in the face.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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