She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
