What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
