I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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