I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
