He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
