at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize