Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
