"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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