I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
