Tell her she can't have a vagina
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can I color on your dick again?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
