I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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