Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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