Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
