You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize