So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I love you. Go after that dick
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
