I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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