you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
