Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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