If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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