My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Its about making memories worth repressing
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
