You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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