i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
