So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
