Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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