His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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