Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
