I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
