The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
