I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
