i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
