"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
