no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
