No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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