Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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