I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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