You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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