I'm gonna have a badass scar
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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