The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
