We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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