no, he came in my armpit
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
