a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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