M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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