I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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