He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
3pm strippers are depressing
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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