im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
