I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
