My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My pussy is not your playground.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
