There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
