ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
