Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Two words: blizzard sex
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
