No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
