it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We smell like vodka and hangover
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