First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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