try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
