i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
