How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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