Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize