Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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