my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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